My Story
I’ve been through the fire and come out forged stronger. I’m sharing my story because if it connects with even one person and shows them it’s okay to talk – that there is always a way out of the darkest places – then it’s worth it.
I grew up in a small town in a working-class family. Nothing was handed to me; everything had to be earned the hard way.
Life started beating me down young. I was abused as a kid, haunted by memories no child should ever have – memories of a man who used me for his own sexual gratification. That scar runs deep and for the longest time made every day feel like a fight just to breathe.
I attempted suicide several times before I even reached my teens – pills, a razor, gas in a locked space – desperate attempts to escape pain that nobody around me ever acknowledged or helped with.
Attempting suicide isn’t just the act. It’s months, sometimes years, leading up to it when you want to be dead, when you feel invisible and convinced no one would miss you. And if you survive, it’s the months and years afterwards when how you feel about yourself doesn’t magically change just because you’re still breathing.
As a teenager I put on a brave face, skipped school, tied myself in knots of lies to convince everyone I was fine. Eventually I opened up to a few people, and that’s when I was targeted again – groomed by a man far older than me who wanted sex, twisting my need for connection into something dark and controlling.
Those betrayals left me wired for distrust, shame, and a loop of self-destruction that echoed in my head for years.
I chased anything that numbed the noise. Sex became an addiction – a hollow way to feel wanted for a moment. Alcohol drowned the memories most nights. I even tried drugs to make the faces and failures disappear.
I ran to the Navy to start again. Worked on helicopters in Afghanistan and Norway – places that tested every bit of grit I had. On the outside I looked like I’d made it. Inside, the demons were still in charge.
I got married. Watched it collapse under abuse and weaponised secrets. Poured my heart into another relationship only for it to end in lies, cheating, and humiliation that gutted me and left me questioning if I’d ever be enough.
That final heartbreak was my breaking point – and my turning point.
I stopped running. Started staring the pain down. Dove into therapy, self-growth, books, and real inner work. Learned how to rebuild my masculinity, own my story, and turn scars into strength. No quick fixes, no bullshit promises – just consistent effort that pulled me back from the edge.
The suicidal thoughts still visit most weeks, like an old habit knocking at the door, but I’ve learned to shut it out.
Now I’m helping raise three amazing kids and studying for my MSc in Psychology so I can understand the mind even better.
At Lavallée Coaching I provide free resources and straight-talk advice for anyone who needs it, and paid one-to-one coaching where we get real about rebuilding your life.
If you’re staring down the barrel – suicide attempts behind you, heartbreak tearing you apart, or just feeling like you’ve lost yourself – I’ve walked that exact road.
Book a call. No judgement, just honest talk from someone who’s been there and made it to the other side.
You’re not alone, and your story isn’t finished.
Mark
